Monday, August 29, 2016

Fear of the Unknown

When facing a new challenge, there is always some degree of uncertainty. Right now I am indeed feeling this uncertainty. I am feeling both prepared and apprehensive at the same time. In less than a week, I will be running my first ultramarathon—a 12 hour event nonetheless. This should probably be a second step in ultramarathoning for me rather than a first (preferably a 50K or a 6 hr endurance race), but it was one of the few ultra's that are fairly local to me and the date of the event might allow me to find a second ultra this fall yet while I am still in shape.

I say I’m feeling prepared because I feel like I did the best training I could during the time while I was working 2 jobs for anywhere from 40 to 60 hours a week. Some weeks finding the time to work in a 6+ hour effort to build my endurance was a real challenge and not necessarily the thing I wanted to do the most. Realistically though I knew that to be successful in a race like this I was going to have to push myself in training or really pay come race day, which I was hoping to avoid. I knew the event would test me but I really like the idea of testing myself, because the reality with me is that this event is really to see how I do with a truly long event to see if I want to perhaps pursue the true goal I have in my head—and that is to try a 100K or 100 miler. I know that goal is lofty (if you’re a runner) or insane (for any of the non-running readers.) Regardless of what you call it, that’s what is in my head. Perhaps I will never attempt a 100 miler but this 12 hour event is the closest I can come to it in which I feel will let me know if I can.

I’m also feeling apprehensive because my body seems to not want to be cooperating with me. Even though I have cut back the volume (and to some degree the intensity) during the last few weeks for my taper, I am having trouble staying away from things like a stuffy head, runny nose, sneezing, etc. I hope all that is due to allergies but I’m not sure honestly. Regardless, the fact I can’t stay completely healthy is starting to stress me—at a time where I obviously want to lower my stress level. I am also trying to eat healthier and get more sleep too (with varying degrees of success), but neither seems to be helping me at this time.

And that is what is giving me this uncertainty. Despite a good effort to back off and rest like I should, it is at this time when my body seems to be failing me the most. I know race day will likely beat me up and that worries me about how long it will take me to recover. Right now I’m more worried about after the race than the race itself! I know to take it slow in the race, but to pull off 35, 40, 45, or even 50 miles in a day will leave me tired. Having put in training of covering 31ish miles on my feet in a day several different times, I feel those distances are possible in a 12 hr event surrounded by other like-minded racers. The problem is I don’t know how my body will react after 12 hrs of that effort. So I’m left with this fear of what lies after the race. Crazy to think that training for 12 hrs of near constant movement is the “easy” part. I don’t like being sick, but because of how my body has reacted lately I fear this my be the result of me attempting this goal. I sure hope not—and will do everything I can both on race day and leading up to the race day to prevent this, but right now this is where my self-doubt and uncertainty lies.
In summary I know that most everybody experiences this uncertainty and thus I'm not alone. And the fact I'm consciously taking steps to prevent sickness is easing my stress level, just not eliminate it though. I will find out how well (or how poorly) I do obviously, and learn from it, but right now it is all about stress management!